Irken IdolAn Ode to Zim
by Hell's Tinkerbell
Summary: I do not own the IZ characters, they belong to Jhonen Vasquez. New chapter is up! Dib a pervert? Find out!
1. An Irken Opera Star is Born

All of the characters of Invader Zim belongs to Mr. Jhonen Vasquez and not Hell's Tinkerbell. Read and enjoy.

Part 1 An Irken Opera Star is Born

It had been a typical morning for the children of The Skool. The average begrudging routine had been broken with Miss Bitters' harshly spoken announcement to her students in the classroom. "The principal has assigned this classroom to perform in the talent show that is to occur tomorrow. Each student is required to perform in the show with his/her talent." The students had complained in unison with a resounding moan.

Zim raised his hand with a quizzical expression on his face. "Yes, what is it Zim?" Ms. Bitters asked with irritation in her tone. "Ms. Bitters, what is a talent?" Zim asked. "A talent is something entertaining that you do in front of everyone on a stage like singing annoying songs, dancing in a disgustingly cute way, or do mediocre magic tricks." the phantom-like teacher explained. Zim's forehead began to condensate with sweat. An uncontrollable anxiety possessed him as he stared at the orange flyer from across the room with the supposedly perky words that spelled out the words Talent Show. _I don't know what my talent is…I want to show that I can do talents like any other normal human on this revolting wasteland of a planet…_he thought desperately.

"What's wrong, Zim? Don't have talent shows where you come from?" Dib asked in his usual patronizing manner. "Yes, and where I came from. We have more stellar performances than the stink people here do!" Zim replied in defense. "Yeah, sure you do. We shall see if you can perform an ounce of talent from that squiddlyspooch of yours." Dib said with a wicked grin. Zim narrowed his eyes with aggravation and shouted, "Every cell in my body has more talent than you do in your birth sack!" "I'm male and human females do not have birth sacks." Dib said. "Oh, what is it called then?" Zim asked. "Uterus." he answered. "Okay, well…what ever you have in you, I will show all of you true talent!"

Meanwhile…

Gir had been playing with a toy helicopter, laughing the whole time while causing it to hover in random areas of the room by a remote control. He did not seem to notice that his master had entered the room with incoherent ranting beneath his breath and slamming the door behind him which caused the glass in the windows to shatter. "How dare that Dib say that I can not do talents like a normal human! Yes…yes…yes…I'll show all of them what real Irken talent can do!" Zim shouted at the top of his lungs. His robot had mimicked the sound of a swooping airplane and had directed the helicopter to collide into the buttocks of the irate Irken invader.

The impact had caused Zim to cry out in the midst of excruciating pain. His primal cry had closely resembled the recited notes of a soprano toned opera singer. Gir had his attention averted from his toy which focused upon Zim's "singing", having his metallic flexible arms perform the motions of a classical music conductor. His cry had ceased as he looked upon his robot slave in puzzled manner and asked, "Why are you doing that?!" "I like your song!" Gir replied while clapping. "You **liked **it?" Zim asked again while tilting his head curiously. "Yeah! Do it again!" he said excitedly while jumping up and down. "What a minute a talent is singing! So, that's exactly what I'll do…I'll do this supposed **singing** and show them all!" Zim shouted. "Yay!" Gir cheered happily. "Gir, do not disturb me. I have some **practicing **to do." he said, while going down the toilet-disguised entrance to this underground laboratory.

The Next Day…

Dib sat through the monotonous performances that the contestants after he did his own act which consisted of a skit that involved the legendary Bigfoot getting a bikini wax. A small percentage had seemed amused by the skit, but the majority of the audience had either booed or threw cheese covered nachos in his direction. A brown haired girl clad in a pink dress had announced the last act with the sentence, "And last but perhaps least, Zim with his Ode to Joy song."

After the girl had departed, the stage became dark and a single light had shown upon Zim as he cleared his throat. The microphone was taken from the stand with a black gloved hand and he said, "Children of this dirt ball, I have seen your demonstrations of talent and I have this to say….YOU STINK! Prepare to witness the true talent of a real performer!" He walked toward a small stool and played the song Ode to Joy from the small black boom box covered in fox stickers.

The audience was perplexed and amazed by Zim's performance. Each of the notes were in sync with the song and mimicked the vocals perfectly with the ones that sang on the tape. He had been satisfied to see each child watching him with their eyes the size of golf balls and their jaws slackened as he sang. After he had hit a high note to finish the song, they had stood up immediately and gave him an extremely loud applause. Dib had been dumbfounded by the entire spectacle and asked rhetorically, "How did he **do** that?!"

Zim bowed graciously before his adoring fans and left the stage through the rear exit. A blond woman dressed in an obnoxiously orange and yellow business suit seemed to have waited for him to arrive, "That was a fabulous performance, kid. I love your talent and on the behalf of my opera company, we would ever be so happy to have you debut for our play The Phantom of the Opera across town." Zim received a business card from her, examined it carefully and said, "I accept being recruited for this play, ma'am." "Wonderful. Then we should expect you to arrive at our opera house at three pm sharp, please do not be late." the woman said in approval.


	2. Rehearsal of Doom

**Part 2 Rehearsal of Doom**

The Stepford Dream Theatre has housed magnificent operas such as the Barber of Seville and the Thief of Love. Their performers were of the highly respected caliber whose work had never gone unappreciated by the aristocratic audience. The opera troupe's expectations for their next play had been dashed violently as delicate wine glasses reduced to instant shards in midst of waiting on the stage. The arrival of the three foot tall, green-skinned boy with ebony hair finely cut and bright blue eyes had influenced their doubts for their potential masterpiece.

"Who is this little urchin?" a bald man asked indignantly while dressed in a red shirt featuring Britney Spears, sweat pants, and slippers. The woman who had invited the boy cleared her throat while stepping upon the stage and said, "This is Zim and he will be part of the troupe for Phantom of the Opera. Please step forward and do not be shy, Zim." Zim obeyed her as his black boots had marched upon the stairs that lead to the cement stage. "A boy of his stature can not sing!" a red headed young woman said with crossed arms. "Please demonstrate your vocals, my dear. Show them your potential!" the motherly director said while elevating her waving hand skyward. "Yes, female recruiter!" Zim shouted in a soldier-like manner. He began to clear his throat and the mouth had been slowly opened to reveal rows of sharp teeth with each escalated note that escaped his throat. "Doh…ray… me… fa…. so… la… ti…. doh!" he performed the scale with such flawless elegance, yet it resembled a powerful female soprano's tone.

Each listener upon the stage had widened to ping pong ball size with their loosened jaws in a stupefied awe. "Bravo, bravo that was brilliantly done!" the director shouted in approval while applauding wildly. "Of course it was brilliant! You would not expect anything less!" he said confidently.

Zim's proud moment had been interrupted with the sound of a door that had slammed opened violently. Every participant turned their heads to the source of the sound to look upon a young girl clad in a black dress dress, striped sleeves and hose. Short purple hair had framed her face with the bangs and natural curls at the end that nearly touch her ears. A skull necklace hung above her heart as the amber hued eyes took in the atmosphere with aggressive apathy. "Ah, Gaz Membrane, I had been expecting you. Please come to the stage, dear." the director said. "I guess I'll come." she muttered in a condescending manner and made her descent from the station.

Zim had been the most surprised to see her step upon the stage and stand before the director. "What role do I play for this?" Gaz asked impatiently. "Sing the eight notes from the scale and that will be decided." the director asked. Gaz began to sing the scale, her voice had a tender boldness with a lower tone than Zim's soprano-toned one. She grumbled softly as the listeners had applauded while grinning, except for Zim. He seemed dumb-founded by her demonstration, let alone that a girl of a non-social persona could perform worthy talent.

The director ushered the audition candidates into a small waiting room behind the stage. The interior had chairs randomly stationed about the cement floor as colorful posters covered the walls with costumes that lay in a pile at the other side of the room. "So, why are you here?" Zim asked casually to Gaz who stared blankly at the pile. "My dad forced me to come here to be more **cultured.** I just want to get this over with." Gaz answered indignantly as she removed a Game Slave 2 from her pocket and proceeded to play a violent game. "I see…" Zim said, secretly hoping to play the part of The Phantom.

The candidates were individually called to exit the room and re-enter the stage. Zim awaited in anticipation for his name to be called as the large percentage of them had already been casted with their roles. "Zim, step forward please!" the director's voice said within an intercom. "Here I go!" Zim said cheerfully and exited the room to step upon the stage.

"I have given your performance a great deal of thought, Zim. You have a beautiful voice and it was only fitting that you be given a leading role." the director explained, sitting in the front row of the auditorium. "You have made a wise decision in recognizing my great voice. Where is my mask to wear for the role I am to receive?" Zim asked proudly. "This role does not require a mask, Zim." the director answered while chuckling. "Eh?" he asked, in the midst of being puzzled. "No, your role requires a beautiful white dress. I have found my Christine!" she said happily. "NOOOOO!!!!" Zim screamed in despair.


	3. Another Rehearsal of Doom

Gaz returned to her home from the theatre while deciding whether or not she should be satisfied with her role or irritated. She entered the futuristic house and walked past Dib seated upon their couch as he watched his favorite TV show in the living room. The girl walked toward the kitchen with the intent of obtaining an orange soda from refrigerator. ⌠Where were you?■ his voice called out casually. ⌠Trying out for a lame opera Dad made me go to.■ she answered while opening the door. ⌠An opera, huh? Which one is it?■ he asked again, being curious. Dib followed her into the kitchen as soon as a dog food commercial paused his show. ⌠The Phantom of the Opera.■ she replied. ⌠Really? I like that one! What role did you get?■ he asked. ⌠Phantom.■ she said and opened the can to take a sip. ⌠The role seems to suit you. Who plays Christine?■ Dib inquired, his curiosity increased. ⌠Zim.■ she said flatly.  
⌠Zim is playing Christine?!■ he exclaimed. ⌠Yes.■ she replied. Dib released a loud round of laughter while clutching his ribs with tears trickling down the corners of his eyes.

After his laughter ceased by calming himself; he added, ⌠Oh man, that is hilarious! I need to witness him being humiliated! Not to mention that it's a suspicious for an alien like him to even play in an opera. When is your next rehearsal?■ ⌠Tomorrow after school.■ she said and threw the soda into the trash. ⌠I am coming with you to watch because he may be up to something. Then again to see Zim wear a dress would be disturbing.■ he commented. ⌠He practically wears one every day.■ Gaz remarked and exited the kitchen.

Throughout the school day, Dib intently watched Zim's daily activities at a higher level than his normal observations. From the information he had collected; Zim had been reading the assigned script at his free time, reciting lines from the written text during recess, and singing the songs in the bathroom at a perfected pitch. It may seem to be innocent private rehearsals to the mundane view, yet Dib's mind persisted on discovering malice behind the alien's actions.

His apprehension elevated while accompanying his sister to the theatre. He had been permitted to sit in the audience's chair by the theatre's staff and gripped the arm rests. As soon as Zim emerged onto the stage wearing a white dress, Dib and Gaz expressed their amusement by snickering. Zim seemed to have heard their stifled laughter and glared coldly into their direction. This action heightened their snickering to hearty laughter. ⌠Stop that laughing! I am an actor, not a clown!■ Zim demanded. The laughter became louder and longer as Zim violently slammed his script upon the stage in a fit of anger. ⌠I can not work under this conditions!■ he shouted. ⌠Oh please spare the prima donna act. It is overdone!■ the red headed woman said impatiently at the other side of the stage. ⌠Prima donna?■ he asked, puzzled. ⌠Yes, you are not so special until you do well for your first performance in front of people. So can it and wait for the others to arrive.■ she replied firmly and disappeared behind a curtain.

⌠I am not a prima donna!■ he shouted indignantly while crossing his arms. ⌠She got you, Zim!■ Dib called out from his seat. ⌠Shut your noise tube, Dib-worm!■ Zim responded. ⌠Time for me to rehearse.■ Gaz said in a bored way and approached the stage. She disappeared behind a curtain and returned a moment later wearing a cape, large brimmed hat, and the white mask covering half of her face.

The director sat next to Dib in the front row and shouted, ⌠Quiet on the set! Take your places people! We are going to rehearse the Angel of Music number!■ Zim obeyed the director and hopped onto a bed in the middle of the stage as Gaz disappeared behind the black curtain once more. The red headed woman took the role as Meg who stood at the foot of the bed. Hauntingly beautiful music began to play from above the stage. Zim and the woman sang their duet, having to slow down his pace to keep in perfect harmony with her voice. He shuddered slightly when the woman put on a convincing facade of consoling him as the sang about the unseen tutor and how ⌠he■ frightens his character Christine.  
As soon as the duet was finished, ⌠Meg■ exited the stage and the lights dimmed from above the stage. Zim cleared his throat as sweat trickled down his face. He began to sing the beginning lines to Phantom of the Opera song and his voiced cracked nervously at the line: ⌠And do I dream again?■ The change in pitch induced more laughter from Dib. Gaz's voice was bold as it echoed throughout the speakers in an eeire fashion, especially at the statement of claiming power over ⌠Christine.■ Her mysterious entrance was superbly done as she crept out from behind the curtain and mingled amongst the shadows as her song continued. Her boldness increased when she sang the line: ⌠Sing my Angel of Music!■ in such a scary tone that it influenced Zim to nearly scream while releasing the musical notes.

A reluctant hand caressed Zim's cheek, and Gaz grimaced while performing the scripted kiss. Zim's eyes opened widely from the gesture and had to stifle his revolting views of ⌠harmful germs■. Dib's amusement turned to anger and shouted, ⌠Stay away from my sister, Zim!■ ⌠She started it!■ Zim shouted while pouting at Gaz. ⌠Cut! Cut!■ the director shouted while standing up and waving her hands. ⌠Zim, you need more practice with the songs and be more convincing of your act. Gaz, you were brilliant! Do not change a thing, honey! And as for you■-pointed the laser pointer at Dib-■What is your name?■ ⌠Dib Membrane, ma'am. I am Gaz's brother.■ Dib replied. ⌠Dib, you have such passion and my actor to play Raul is in a coma so it would be an honor to have you take his place.■ the director said while smiling. Dib contemplated for a few moments and thought I am not much of a performer, but if it will help be close to Zim then it would be perfect. ⌠I'll take the role, ma'am.■ he said pleasantly with a fake smile. ⌠Wonderful! Please return here at the same time and place tomorrow and we shall have you become more acquainted with the script.■ the director replied. ⌠Consider it done.■ he added and glared death into Zim. 


	4. Necissity in a Brassier and Panties

Dib and Zim became instant rival rather than routine mortal enemies. Dib stated to the alien that he should not be in an opera and that he will find a way to expose him on stage during the public performance. As for Zim, he stated that he will finishe the performance flawlessly, prove that he can fool them, and outshine him in becoming the better actor. A worthy challenge made after their school session.

Zim returned to his house and grumbled beneath his breath. "I will finish this opera even if it kills me!" he shouted after entering the building. As usual the door had been slammed shut and Gir looked to him curiously. "Christine needs boobies!" Gir exclaimed while giggling. "Boob...ies!" Zim asked, bewildered. "Yeah, all the ladies got them!" Gir replied, and gestured to his chest. Zim put a hand to his chin and recalled that ever since the arrival to Earth, he noticed that all of the other taller females had mounds of protuding flesh in their thoracic area. "If I am to portray myself as a mature female, then it seems that the extra flesh is needed," Zim said, and looked down to his own chest, "How can I create these **boobies**?"

Zim looked to his television to watch a commercial that advertised a special offer for women's underwear by a company called, Viki's Secrets. "Gir...we are going shopping!" Zim exclaimed. Zim disguised himself in the elder man costume as well as Gir disguised as a little boy.

Zim and Gir walked to the mall which had been in the center of town. The walk had been short for at least 10 minutes long. The determined Irken approached the large map near the entrance and found their desired destination. As soon as the odd pair entered the store, they had been greeted with awkward and disgusted stares from the clerks and customers. Zim tried to ignore their stares and muttered comments exchanged amongst the women in the place as he stepped further into the store.

The alien snatched a 32A sized brassier and a small pair of white panties from the shelves to avoid any potential criticism from the women. The act of him donning on the underwear over his clothes had the made the social situation worse. "Look at the dirty old man." or "What a freak!" were the phrases uttered amongst the onlookers. Once Zim had been satisfied with the wares, he excitedly rushed to the purchasing station. The clerk seemed to be more cooperative once he waved a 100.00 bill in front of her face and had been pleasant to him during the transaction. Before exciting the store, the alien glared death into the bystanders and said, "Your time will come soon, pitiful humans!"

Zim and Gir returned to their house after the incident in the mall. Zim released a sigh of relief after he had slowly shut the door, shedding his disguise, and walked into the center of the living room. The shopping bag was settled on the floor with the underwear placed on the couch. Zim looked to the items as he contemplated. "Hmmm...I have the harnesses for the extra flesh but my body does not match the goal. What I need is prosthetics!" he concluded.

"Try these!" Gir said happily while running to the kitchen. The robot returned moments later with sealed plastic bags that contained ground beef and offered them to his master. "Yes, this might work!" Zim said, and grinned. He donned the underwear and stuffed the meat in the compartments. Black gloved hands cupped the experimental "breasts" and provocative "buttocks" and frowned. The fact that they flattened and had a misshapenly bumpy appearance did not satisfy him. "They are not convincing enough, Gir! Try again!" he shouted, while removing the meat from the body and throwing them to the ground.

Gir ran to the kitchen again, but this time returned with four small water balloons. "Hmm...This seems to be better!" Zim exclaimed and accepted the balloons from Gir. The balloons were stuffed into the brassier and panties and for once the appearance had pleased him. "They are smooth...round...and really do look like a female's extra flesh! Success!" he shouted with glee with extended arms in the air. The alien took a moment to hop and down, the jiggling from the prosthetics had increased his happiness. "These prosthetics are excellent! I just need to be careful not to pop them," he said, "I can not wait to show Dib. That will teach him not to underestimate me! I am ZIM!!"


	5. Intergalactic Strut and Plummet

**Part 5 Intergalactic Strut and Plummet**

A week of grueling rehearsals has passed. The last day was filled with anxiety, excitement, and with the exception of impatience amongst the opera cast. Due to the fact of it was the night of their public performance, their emotions seemed necessary. Before their performance, Dib and Gaz helped each other with the finishing touches to their costumes in the large dressing room. "Have you seen Zim around yet?" Dib asked while putting Gaz's mask on her face. "No." Gaz replied while straightening out Dib's shirt collar. "He's up to something I just know it!" Dib exclaimed. "Just what am I up to, Dib?" a nasally voice asked. The Membrane children shifted their eyes to the sound of the owner's voice.

It was Zim dressed in his full costume. The costume consisted of the flowing lacey white dress, cosmetics to give the face a feminine appearancem and a blond curly wig. What had stupefied them the most was the site of the prosthetics that protuded beneath his costume. Widened eyes and slackened jaws the had nearly hit the floor were their reactions. "Zim...is that you?" Gaz asked, pointing at him. "Yes, who else would I be, little Gaz?" Zim remarked. The prosthetics bounced and the sound of splashing water with every step he took in the midst of approaching them.

Dib snickered for a few moments and his amusement increased to a loud round of fierce laughter. This act compelled him to fall to the floor, holding his sore ribs and kicking his legs in the air during his laughing episode. Zim's face contorted to express aggravation while grumbling. "Laugh all you want, Dib-worm. These are for my costume!" Zim said in his defense. "Take your places people! The performance will begin in 5 minutes!" the director's cheerful voice called from the intercom.

Meanwhile...

"Okay, what are we watching again?" The Tallest Purple asked. "Zim doing a play with singing." The Tallest Red replied. "Will there be puppets?" Purple asked. "No." Red replied. "Then I'm not watching it." Purple said indiginantly with arms crossed. "Zim might wear a funny costume and perhaps get humiliated." Red said, in his attempt to persuade him. "Alright, but I am entitled to a puppet show afterwards!" Purple said, condescending to comply. "Fine, now let's watch the com screen." Red said and pointed to the gargantuan device. The transmission was made to their ship The Massive with the crew connecting the signal to their devices form an Earthian broadcasting camera.

The Tallest began to feast upon donuts from paper bags to watch their performance of The Phantom of the Opera. Once Zim had made his first appearance on the stage wearing the costume, the donuts were dropped to the platform as well as the saliva filled soda had been sprayed against the screen in their shock. The entire crew had erupted into uncontrollable laughter that echoed within the ship. Their leaders staring in appalled dismay and amusement, questioning further on Zim's sanity and unaware that he could sing beautifully. "This outdoes any puppet show!" Purple exclaimed while laughing. "This is going in the Irken history records!" Red added.

With every attempt that Dib had done to de-mask Zim during the performance, the alien had cleverly dodged them. Dib took a few moments to think of a new strategy for his goal and thought of an improved maneuver. The opera had approached a scene that involved Christine being consoled by Raul. Zim had suppressed his apprehensions of physical contact during the scene and Dib hesitated in the embrace. _Alright, I should go for it since I am this close._ Dib thought. His hand grasped a "breast" and squeezed hard enough to where it exploded within his grasp. "Raul is a pervert!" several audience members have shouted.

The water compelled Zim to scream with excruciating pain, attempt to shake the liquid from his person, and run behind the curtain. The audience began to leave the auditorium while uttering the comments of the performance being vulgar and disgraceful were exchanged. "But he's an alien! It's not normal to get hurt by water!" Dib insisted to the masses. "Get off the stage, pervert!" an old man shouted and threw tomatoes at him. "You've got to believe me!" he insisted again while dodging the projectile vegetables.

As for Zim's predicament, he allowed Gir to dry him with a towel. "At least my cover was not blown. A small victory, but the opera was not finished," he said, "Oh well, I will just have to get Dib with my laser weasels later." Gaz had approached them and said, "Let me put those balloons to good use." "Yeah, sure, whatever." Zim said while getting them out of his compartments and handed them to Gaz.

Gaz walked to the presently tomato stained Dib on the stage. Her brother collapsed on the floor and said, "The wettening...the wettening ruined it!" She dropped the balloons on his face and clothes and said, "You needed it."


End file.
